It takes a lot of courage to write what you wrote. So proud of you and grateful that you chose to share 🖤
There’s something I’ve been avoiding writing about because the shame is so deep, but your story made me want to try. If more people normalized nonlinear recovery, fewer people would feel like failures and throw everything out the window.
Thank you for being so vulnerable. I love that you continue to make Christmas meaningful for yourself and try to show that for your kids, even if life altered the visions you once had for this time of year. You keep reframing and moving forward.
I have so many responses, so I will try and be concise: most important thing is you do not suck because you had a drink. The true issue with anyone with an addiction issue is not the drink, it’s everything behind it that leads them to substances as an escape. Christina, you are a human being, my friend. Even though he had a drink today, doesn’t mean you can’t say “one day at a time” still.
Now, conversely, I’m gonna say that you are showing strength through vulnerability, and there are so many people here who will appreciate what you’re saying and feel better that you were strong enough to share this. 💚
Thanks for this Kiki. Truly read this at the right time. I skipped a Holiday friend booze fest last night because in my almost 6 years of being AF I felt unsure. I'm up early drinking coffee and reading your beautiful words and insights and even though we don't know each other I consider you a sober friend. I love how you move on, how you write about the very human experience of alcohol and emotions and being human and not knowing how shit just fucking happens. Onward, friend.
I think you touched on a lot of things today without saying them directly. Divorced mother, loss of mythical fairy tale family, just wondering where you fit in the world when the story doesn’t turn out the way you were taught. Assess yourself from afar, know you are doing the best you can for your kids and dig deep to find what brings you joy, and forgive yourself for filling up that hole of confusion a tiny bit. What you learned is powerful…that drinking does not make you feel better and that won’t fill this sense or loss. But shining as yourself and writing from a place of truth and seeking the real you in what society has buried into the expected mother and wife will.
I can see how all of those issues compounded and somewhere something, "lets have a little break" and sure doesn't mean you're broken. I'm happy to read that you went out and socialized! Merry Christmas and all the best to you!
Nothing is perfect, but it seems like you are handling this hiccup perfectly. Annie Grace caused these slip ups “data points.” You could still say you’ve been sober for two years with a couple of “data points” strewn in. I’m not a big fan of people starting the clock over when they slip up. I think it does more damage than good. It feels punitive and shameful and sobriety is fun.
I want you to forgive yourself and see the process. I’m not sure if you have a sponsor or if you are in a 12 step program but I totally understand this and you just need to shake off the shame and guilt. I have been sober for a long, long time but it took many missteps at the beginning. Be the sober mother your children need.
It’s ok that you had a drink, but I wouldn’t say you cheated. What was there to cheat at? If you made some commitment and you broke it, then maybe you feel you cheated on the commitment but I don’t see what that has to do with sobriety.
Not drinking is not wanting to drink. If you are holding yourself to a promise then you are spending energy unnecessarily. It’s been years and you don’t want to drink. That’s the reason you’re sober. You have no desire. Not because you made a promise and by god you stuck to it. No.
That’s a thought. A mental construct. A concept. It doesn’t exist. What exists is your lack of desire to drink. Your body doesn’t want it. Perfect.
Beating yourself up won’t help. There’s nothing to be feel shame about. Or guilt. You’ve done nothing wrong. Alcohol is legal. Nobody is coming for you. It’s ok.
The is no count or date or any tracking mechanism. That’s also a mental concept. Reality means more than thought.
Start again now. Not tomorrow. No will power, no promises, just curiosity about the moment and how you feel and what’s going on. There is NOTHING deep rooted. That’s the fearful mind. Let it go. You are wonderful and vulnerable and worthy. Have a good day
Okay, a bump in the road. None of us are perfecy. Don’t agonize about it, get up, dust yourself off and keep heading towards your goal, one day at a time. You are stronger than you think and though I don’t know you and am far away I’m rooting for you and sending you positive energy and prayers. Hugs from Anne on the lake in Canada.
It takes a lot of courage to write what you wrote. So proud of you and grateful that you chose to share 🖤
There’s something I’ve been avoiding writing about because the shame is so deep, but your story made me want to try. If more people normalized nonlinear recovery, fewer people would feel like failures and throw everything out the window.
"Nonlinear Recovery" is an AMAZING term. I love that. I hope you DO write about what you've been feeling. I'm right there supporting you as well! xo
Your note helped keep me sober today. That counts as a Christmas gift. I'm grateful.
This is amazing. It makes me so happy to hear!
I so needed to read this
Thank you for being so vulnerable. I love that you continue to make Christmas meaningful for yourself and try to show that for your kids, even if life altered the visions you once had for this time of year. You keep reframing and moving forward.
Chrismas is love-hate for me, but that just means I'm passionate about it! "Keep reframing and moving forward" -- I love thinking about it this way.
I have so many responses, so I will try and be concise: most important thing is you do not suck because you had a drink. The true issue with anyone with an addiction issue is not the drink, it’s everything behind it that leads them to substances as an escape. Christina, you are a human being, my friend. Even though he had a drink today, doesn’t mean you can’t say “one day at a time” still.
Now, conversely, I’m gonna say that you are showing strength through vulnerability, and there are so many people here who will appreciate what you’re saying and feel better that you were strong enough to share this. 💚
Thank you for your sentiments, Don. This means so much to me!
Just realized I called you. Christina - no idea where that came from Kiki! 🤪
The funny thing is, my real name IS Kristina! I go by "Kristi" in every day life. :-)
Ah ha!!!! I knew it! 😉 Just subscribed - looking forward to reading more from you.
Thanks for being real. Your words are REAL life. Reality not fantasy. I appreciate that so much.
I wish life could be more like a fantasy! But that's just not honest. Thank you so much!
Thanks for this Kiki. Truly read this at the right time. I skipped a Holiday friend booze fest last night because in my almost 6 years of being AF I felt unsure. I'm up early drinking coffee and reading your beautiful words and insights and even though we don't know each other I consider you a sober friend. I love how you move on, how you write about the very human experience of alcohol and emotions and being human and not knowing how shit just fucking happens. Onward, friend.
Trace -- Thank you for your beautiful comment! It certainly helps meeting other people who are experiencing similar things! Onward!
I think you touched on a lot of things today without saying them directly. Divorced mother, loss of mythical fairy tale family, just wondering where you fit in the world when the story doesn’t turn out the way you were taught. Assess yourself from afar, know you are doing the best you can for your kids and dig deep to find what brings you joy, and forgive yourself for filling up that hole of confusion a tiny bit. What you learned is powerful…that drinking does not make you feel better and that won’t fill this sense or loss. But shining as yourself and writing from a place of truth and seeking the real you in what society has buried into the expected mother and wife will.
You really hit the nail on the head - wow! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts -- means the world to me!
I can see how all of those issues compounded and somewhere something, "lets have a little break" and sure doesn't mean you're broken. I'm happy to read that you went out and socialized! Merry Christmas and all the best to you!
Merry Christmas, friend. Thank you for your support, as always! xo
Nothing is perfect, but it seems like you are handling this hiccup perfectly. Annie Grace caused these slip ups “data points.” You could still say you’ve been sober for two years with a couple of “data points” strewn in. I’m not a big fan of people starting the clock over when they slip up. I think it does more damage than good. It feels punitive and shameful and sobriety is fun.
This is such a humble and true post. I hear you and I am with you. Onward!
I want you to forgive yourself and see the process. I’m not sure if you have a sponsor or if you are in a 12 step program but I totally understand this and you just need to shake off the shame and guilt. I have been sober for a long, long time but it took many missteps at the beginning. Be the sober mother your children need.
It’s ok that you had a drink, but I wouldn’t say you cheated. What was there to cheat at? If you made some commitment and you broke it, then maybe you feel you cheated on the commitment but I don’t see what that has to do with sobriety.
Not drinking is not wanting to drink. If you are holding yourself to a promise then you are spending energy unnecessarily. It’s been years and you don’t want to drink. That’s the reason you’re sober. You have no desire. Not because you made a promise and by god you stuck to it. No.
That’s a thought. A mental construct. A concept. It doesn’t exist. What exists is your lack of desire to drink. Your body doesn’t want it. Perfect.
Beating yourself up won’t help. There’s nothing to be feel shame about. Or guilt. You’ve done nothing wrong. Alcohol is legal. Nobody is coming for you. It’s ok.
The is no count or date or any tracking mechanism. That’s also a mental concept. Reality means more than thought.
Start again now. Not tomorrow. No will power, no promises, just curiosity about the moment and how you feel and what’s going on. There is NOTHING deep rooted. That’s the fearful mind. Let it go. You are wonderful and vulnerable and worthy. Have a good day
Okay, a bump in the road. None of us are perfecy. Don’t agonize about it, get up, dust yourself off and keep heading towards your goal, one day at a time. You are stronger than you think and though I don’t know you and am far away I’m rooting for you and sending you positive energy and prayers. Hugs from Anne on the lake in Canada.