Yay! Two years of sobriety is amazing! And I really relate to your reflections on drinking. Today I made a coworker laugh and it felt so good! Because I’m sober, it was at work, and I used to need alcohol to connect with fun and humor….but with practice, it will get easier.
I love your comment. We were talking on the podcast about that very thing -- finding fun and humor in sobriety. That's definitely what I'm struggling with. But you're right -- with practice it will become much easier. I have the faith!
Sobriety really does illuminate how much drinking culture is everywhere. Getting sober during lockdowns and then moving has really made me a hermit and honestly, it's pretty easy being a sober person when you aren't socializing or going out.
But I do relate to this. In those few moments I have gone out, I'm quiet and reserved and keep to myself. But maybe that's a smart in some situations where I might otherwise be an ass.
You're the first writer I have come across discussing sobriety, and I am so glad I found this. I am super super early into my goal of sticking to being sober...and it is a double edge sword noticing how much I benefit without it, but also feeling like I am losing so much too.
I completely identify with this! It's definitely a normal part of the process. There are a ton of sober writers on Substack that are AMAZING. Look up Dana Leigh Lyons...she's a great place to start.
Thanks for writing this! I can relate…. 5 years free of booze myself. I am struggling to get back into making music after some time off because I don’t really want to do the bar thing anymore. I feel like I am just taking up space they need for paying customers. And not wanting to deal with drunk idiots that won’t remember anything we talked about anyways makes me feel like it’s a me problem. It’s frustrating doing good for myself but I know it’s worth doing
Congrats on 5 years booze-free! I can understand not wanting to do the bar thing anymore. I cringe when I get a party invite still. I love your last line -- thank you for being inspiring!
Keep feeling and looking at those feelings. For many of us it gets better and we know ourselves better. I am now sober longer than I used and at some point I realized I was no longer actively not drinking, I was simply someone who doesn't drink. I applaud you and wish you the best.
You were not the dud!!! There was no dud in the conversation, and I left it feeling as though you really got what I was doing with the book. If I was effervescent (maybe the best compliment my personality has ever received), it was because I had this sense that I was safe to be completely myself with both of you. This thing about the shame of being sober is so real, and kept me coming back to alcohol for so many years. Ordering a glass of wine so that you can appear as though you are drinking it? That right there showcases the absurd role alcohol plays in how we as humans lean on it for creating community. Well done on two years!
Thank you, Julie! The further into your book I get and the more I read about you elsewhere, the more I’m like…SHE IS MY PEOPLE! Tap dancing? Yup. When I was younger. And the first time I tried going sober, it was ballet for me. And I’m the biggest clod you’ve ever met. The teacher hated me. Second time I tried going sober, it was roller skating at the rink in — guess where? Ventura. I went all the time during the day and my big dream was to be in roller derby. I never made it. My derby name was going to be Slick Kittie, because I’m twisted. I’ve yet to find my new kick—maybe that’s what I’m missing. You’re inspiring me!
hahahaa!!! That’s so funny because I think once in the olden days when I had a different blog, I posted something about how much my tap teacher hated me because I was so bad at it. Adult night at the Ventura rink is where it’s at!! I’m definitely reaching out to skate with you if I’m ever in the OC and you need to do the same !!
Congrats on two years! And I’m right there with you. Most of the time it doesn’t phase me, but there are moments where I still shrink in my sobriety. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Thanks for writing this! I so relate. I realized I am indeed a different person than when I was drinking. I came to the realization that I was trying to be someone else when I was drinking. Thinking I was funny or more outgoing than I really am. As a kid I was shy and measured. Society and alcohol told me that was wrong. Slowly I have been able to appreciate who I am as I age and stay sober. Congratulations on your two years and please keep processing it here with us. I for one,really needed to read this today.
I wish I learned some lessons earlier in my sobriety. One of them is that the more clearly I can respond to one question, who am I, the less complicated my life becomes.
Most people respond to that question by telling you what they do. They can tell you who they are to other people, but they can’t tell you who they are. They get uncomfortable when you ask.
The better I understand who I am and the better I know what want, the less it matters to me what other people say or think or do.
Alcohol was a big part of my identity. Or, I thought it was. So, when I put it down, I was left with a (mostly) blank canvas. It was up to me to paint the picture, and it will always be a work in progress.
Congrats on the two years. May there be many more.
Yay! Two years of sobriety is amazing! And I really relate to your reflections on drinking. Today I made a coworker laugh and it felt so good! Because I’m sober, it was at work, and I used to need alcohol to connect with fun and humor….but with practice, it will get easier.
I love your comment. We were talking on the podcast about that very thing -- finding fun and humor in sobriety. That's definitely what I'm struggling with. But you're right -- with practice it will become much easier. I have the faith!
Sobriety really does illuminate how much drinking culture is everywhere. Getting sober during lockdowns and then moving has really made me a hermit and honestly, it's pretty easy being a sober person when you aren't socializing or going out.
But I do relate to this. In those few moments I have gone out, I'm quiet and reserved and keep to myself. But maybe that's a smart in some situations where I might otherwise be an ass.
Your last line made me burst out laughing. I can identify!
You're the first writer I have come across discussing sobriety, and I am so glad I found this. I am super super early into my goal of sticking to being sober...and it is a double edge sword noticing how much I benefit without it, but also feeling like I am losing so much too.
I completely identify with this! It's definitely a normal part of the process. There are a ton of sober writers on Substack that are AMAZING. Look up Dana Leigh Lyons...she's a great place to start.
Thanks for writing this! I can relate…. 5 years free of booze myself. I am struggling to get back into making music after some time off because I don’t really want to do the bar thing anymore. I feel like I am just taking up space they need for paying customers. And not wanting to deal with drunk idiots that won’t remember anything we talked about anyways makes me feel like it’s a me problem. It’s frustrating doing good for myself but I know it’s worth doing
Congrats on 5 years booze-free! I can understand not wanting to do the bar thing anymore. I cringe when I get a party invite still. I love your last line -- thank you for being inspiring!
Keep feeling and looking at those feelings. For many of us it gets better and we know ourselves better. I am now sober longer than I used and at some point I realized I was no longer actively not drinking, I was simply someone who doesn't drink. I applaud you and wish you the best.
Thank you so much! Others like you give me such inspiration!
Congrats on two years!!
Thank you, Chris!
You were not the dud!!! There was no dud in the conversation, and I left it feeling as though you really got what I was doing with the book. If I was effervescent (maybe the best compliment my personality has ever received), it was because I had this sense that I was safe to be completely myself with both of you. This thing about the shame of being sober is so real, and kept me coming back to alcohol for so many years. Ordering a glass of wine so that you can appear as though you are drinking it? That right there showcases the absurd role alcohol plays in how we as humans lean on it for creating community. Well done on two years!
Thank you, Julie! The further into your book I get and the more I read about you elsewhere, the more I’m like…SHE IS MY PEOPLE! Tap dancing? Yup. When I was younger. And the first time I tried going sober, it was ballet for me. And I’m the biggest clod you’ve ever met. The teacher hated me. Second time I tried going sober, it was roller skating at the rink in — guess where? Ventura. I went all the time during the day and my big dream was to be in roller derby. I never made it. My derby name was going to be Slick Kittie, because I’m twisted. I’ve yet to find my new kick—maybe that’s what I’m missing. You’re inspiring me!
hahahaa!!! That’s so funny because I think once in the olden days when I had a different blog, I posted something about how much my tap teacher hated me because I was so bad at it. Adult night at the Ventura rink is where it’s at!! I’m definitely reaching out to skate with you if I’m ever in the OC and you need to do the same !!
Deal! It's a future date!
Congrats on two years! And I’m right there with you. Most of the time it doesn’t phase me, but there are moments where I still shrink in my sobriety. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Thanks for writing this! I so relate. I realized I am indeed a different person than when I was drinking. I came to the realization that I was trying to be someone else when I was drinking. Thinking I was funny or more outgoing than I really am. As a kid I was shy and measured. Society and alcohol told me that was wrong. Slowly I have been able to appreciate who I am as I age and stay sober. Congratulations on your two years and please keep processing it here with us. I for one,really needed to read this today.
I wish I learned some lessons earlier in my sobriety. One of them is that the more clearly I can respond to one question, who am I, the less complicated my life becomes.
Most people respond to that question by telling you what they do. They can tell you who they are to other people, but they can’t tell you who they are. They get uncomfortable when you ask.
The better I understand who I am and the better I know what want, the less it matters to me what other people say or think or do.
Alcohol was a big part of my identity. Or, I thought it was. So, when I put it down, I was left with a (mostly) blank canvas. It was up to me to paint the picture, and it will always be a work in progress.
Congrats on the two years. May there be many more.