The Art of Writing Memoir & Personal Essays
A presentation from Medium Day 2024
This year’s Medium Day was another success and I was proud to be included with my session, The Art of Writing Memoir and Personal Essays. A huge thank you to all those who attended and those who expressed interest in checking out the recording.
I was flabbergasted by the number of people who joined the session — my introverted self had heart palpitations the entire time! Since there was so much interest in my topic, I thought it could be helpful to share bits of my presentation.
Writing memoirs and personal essays is a deeply personal and rewarding experience. It allows us to reflect on our lives, capture meaningful moments, and share our stories with others.
The Difference Between Memoirs and Essays
I get asked the question all the time — and constantly do my best to answer it. But to even the most seasoned writers, it’s confusing and vague. And with good reason. Because it is. The question:
What’s the difference between a memoir and a personal essay?
The answer I’ve settled on, and I’ve written this before, is “Memoir focuses on a specific event from the past through the personal viewpoint of the author; a personal essay uses the author’s experience, whether current or from the past, to explore themes with viewpoints relative to the reader.”
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does your piece tell a story with a full narrative arc?
Does your piece happen in the past?
Are you telling a true story that happened to you, rather than someone else?
Is the piece told through your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of the event?
— Then your piece is most likely a memoir.
Is your piece more of a thought-provoking experience or series of anecdotes?
Is your piece about a current or future event?
Is there a universal theme? Can others relate?
Is the primary focus of your piece to provide insight, reflection, or commentary on your topic?
— Then your piece is most likely an essay.
Memoir and Personal Essay Writing Tips
Be Honest. Authenticity is key. Don’t be afraid to share your true thoughts and emotions.
Focus on Specific Moments. Whether writing a memoir or personal essay, focus on the moments that have the most impact.
Reflect and Connect. Go beyond just telling what happened — reflect on why it matters and connect it to larger themes or ideas.
Start With a Hook. (This might be my favorite!) Engage readers right from the beginning. A killer piece of dialogue or action — make it pop!
Keep It Concise. Especially for personal essays, be mindful of keeping your writing tight and focused.
Revise and Polish. Good writing is rewriting. Take the time to revise and polish your work before sharing it with others — even editors at publications! (Especially editors at publications. Spellcheck! Grammar check! Format check!)
When writing memoir, use vivid details. Bring your story to life with specific details. Use that sensory memory and bring us into your story! And find your voice. YOUR voice. Your unique voice will make your memoirs stand out.
When writing personal essays, focus on reflection. Balance your personal anecdotes with broader reflections or insights.
Digging Deep: The Vulnerable, The Raw, and The Naked
Just write.
Just write what you feel. At least for your first draft. Get it out. Your thoughts, your feelings. And build the foundation for the piece you want to create! Sometimes shaking it off and not worrying about the technical aspects of writing, including what a publication is looking for, is the best thing you can do for your creativity.
Bravery In Memoir
Writing memoir requires courage — not just to recall and relive our experiences, but to share them with the world.
In memoir writing, bravery is found in vulnerability, honesty, and the willingness to confront our truths. It asks us to dig into our past, examine our experiences, and put our raw emotions on the page for others to see. This can be challenging, but it’s also what makes memoir so powerful.
When writing memoir, you need to be willing to expose parts of yourself that may feel uncomfortable or painful. This could mean revisiting traumatic events, admitting to mistakes (which I do often in my writing), or sharing emotions that you’ve kept hidden.
It takes bravery to acknowledge your imperfections and share your most personal stories with readers. But it’s this honesty and openness that allows your memoir to connect with others. Readers resonate with authenticity — they see themselves in your struggles and triumphs, and your vulnerability can inspire them to confront their own truths.
Another aspect of bravery in memoir writing is the fear of judgment. When you share your story, you open yourself up to the opinions of others. Will people judge your decisions? Will they misunderstand your experiences? These are valid concerns, and they can make the process of writing your stories feel more intimidating.
But remember, your story is yours alone. You have the right to tell it your way. And while not everyone may agree with or understand your perspective, those who connect with it will appreciate your courage and truth.
Acknowledge your fears. Recognize what scares you about writing your story. Is it reliving the pain? Fear of judgment? Once you identify these fears, you can begin to confront them.
Be Kind to Yourself. Writing memoir is hard work, emotionally and mentally. Allow yourself to take breaks, reflect, and practice self-compassion through the process.
If you write memoir, embrace bravery. Your story is worth telling and it has the power to make a difference.
I received countless questions during our very active Q&A session. If you had a question that wasn’t answered or are reading this now and would like to ask me a question, please leave it in the comments! I’ll do my best!
A lot of people asked about how to handle family and friends in your writing when you’re a memoirist. Here’s a post I wrote a couple of years back on that very topic:
Including Family & Friends In Your Memoirs
Thank you all, again!
xo — Ki
The more vulnerable you allow yourself to be, the stronger you become. I've learned that in writing four memoirs. Believe me, if you don't even want to know it about yourself, write it anyway.